Dinner and a Movie
Four weeks down, one more to go with the cast. We have been rocking along almost effortlessly for the past couple of weeks. Jian’s pain has been completely managed, and her tolerance of this whole situation has been unbelievably amazing. Two nights ago, though, she barely slept a wink. She could not get comfortable, moving constantly in her sleep. Finally in the early morning hours I gave her some pain medicine which helped. I have been asking her how she feels and gradually decreasing her pain meds, but I guess we got a little ambitious the day before with spacing dosages out for 12 hours. The thought that I had immediately struck a nerve with me. This again?? I thought we had gotten past this already!
As many of you recall from reading the blog during our first 2 years home, we dealt with many challenges related to coping skills and emotional adjustments. At first, the episodes would occur multiple times in a single day. Gradually, they would occur less often. I remember the point when we had gone 6 weeks without any major melt downs. But inevitably, something as simple as a visit with family, a holiday or other activity not in our regular routine would send her spiraling. Ugh! Not again! I thought we were past this. How long will we be dealing with these same issues??
I have personally been coping very well on this trip, but a few days ago, I began to get the itch to return home to some normalcy. As much as I try to be conscious of being in the present moment and giving up control, every now and then my old patterns rear their ugly heads. I must confess that I resorted to sorting and categorizing three shelves of donated canned goods in the kitchen here, which made me feel better. Really, though, when will I stop turning to my old ways of anxiety and control? I thought I was getting past that.
I think that through this process of sanctification while on this earth, we will likely always have some tendencies of the flesh that creep back up. The trick is to recognize them and not get stuck in those old patterns. I have been trying to implement Jesus’ stragegy when He was tempted in the wilderness–using the sword of the Spirit and scripture to speak truth to these situations when they arise.
This afternoon, Jian was really wanting to get out of this house. We decided to go for it even though we thought it would be a huge, exhausting ordeal. It turns out that it wasn’t as bad as we thought or as difficult as it would have been shortly after surgery. She has become very mobile except for the left leg being fixed straight out in front of her. We were able to get her into the car pretty easily and found a movie theater and local diner with burgers and milkshakes. We had a very enjoyable evening. She was, of course, worried that people would be staring at her, which almost made her decide not to go. Later she confessed that it “wasn’t bad,” just as she told me earlier this week that surgery “was pretty easy.” We talked about how the anxiety of the unknown is usually worse than the event turns out to be.
As we were returning tonight, I stopped to talk to another family. They gave me some information that I am going to investigate further tomorrow. It may turn out to be nothing, but it may very well be a huge blessing that I could have never even imagined as a possibility. It can’t hurt to ask for more info while we are here anyways, right?
“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.”