Weathering The Storms
Jian has been having great days at school. I have been helping her read 20 minutes each night, and the progress she has made just in the past 2 weeks is unbelievable. She never talks about anything bad happening at school or not wanting to go to school, except when she first arrives in the mornings. All of the kids sit quietly in the hallway until the bell rings, and then they go into their classrooms. Jian has apparently been having huge anxiety over this and feeling like she is parading past everyone who is staring at her and judging her as she walks past them to go to class. As a result, we have seen some horrific behaviors for the past several Sunday evenings as she mentally prepares to go to school on Monday.
To say that it is difficult to deal with is quite an understatement. It is draining, devastating, exhausting, maddening. Thankfully, I don’t think that most people can even imagine what I am referring to. For those of you who have adopted, especially older children, and who do know about these rages, I want you to know that you are not alone and you are not crazy. After the episodes are over, I feel like I have just survived a tornado. I just shake my head and let it all sink in and wonder how that much rage could be inside of our sweet little girl. I’m not sure why I’m still so shocked. I have a degree in psychology. I understand the Fight or Flight response. And Jian is a fighter. We knew that up front, and we love that about her. But it is hard not to be impacted when you are the object of that fighting.
The good news is that these episodes are only lasting about an hour now, as opposed to the 3 hours when we first came home. And it has only been happening once a week lately. I constantly rack my brain trying to problem solve what has brought it on and what I can do to prevent it next time. Her teachers are great to help come up with solutions when it involves school. I have been reminded this week of our Savior who was beaten and spat upon by the very people He came to give his life for. Our situation will get better with His help. He will heal Jian’s heart with time. And I will learn the lessons that I need to learn until then.